Reflections

My time in Egypt traveling around with my family has been great. I have exhausted myself, but also had a chance to relax and try to recover a little from my time here in Africa. Unfortunately, that time relaxing, as good as it was, really just meant everything caught up with me. A lot of time doing very little I find is conducive to a lot of thinking.

I got thinking about the high expectations I left NZ with, about the effect I may or may not have had here, about whether or not I have really been changed, about many things. The problem with high expectations is that you potentially set yourself up for disappointment. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have an expectant heart, and I don't regret holding onto that, but maybe I expected too much. Three months really isn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. Was it realistic to expect to be dramatically changed in three months when it's taken almost 25 years to shape who I am now? I am not an idealist by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't think I was being naive, so maybe this was God's way of reminding me that He's not into the quick fix. He likes to build us like oak trees that take years to grow and have solid roots, rather than mushrooms which grow overnight, but have no foundation at all.

I have heard it said that people hear the voice of God more clearly here. I'm not sure why. My guess is that it's something to do with being away from all the distractions of home and all the crap we busy ourselves with. Certainly, being away from all that was great. In terms of hearing His voice more clearly, that was not the case for me. I struggled intensely with the silence. Silence is always hard, but in this environment, when you can't fill it with all the busyness of home life, the silence is deafening. I know He was there with me all the way, and reading back through my journal, I can see moments here and there where He was reminding me of His presence. I needed to constantly remind myself of the words of Jesus. To paraphrase; blessed are those who have seen and believed, so how much more will the blessing be for those who have not seen, yet still believed! This was the greatest testing of my faith to date. To believe despite the silence.

My reflections so far have been very much a case of more questions. Maybe that's the epitome of this struggle that is following Jesus.

R