Reflections

My time in Egypt traveling around with my family has been great. I have exhausted myself, but also had a chance to relax and try to recover a little from my time here in Africa. Unfortunately, that time relaxing, as good as it was, really just meant everything caught up with me. A lot of time doing very little I find is conducive to a lot of thinking.

I got thinking about the high expectations I left NZ with, about the effect I may or may not have had here, about whether or not I have really been changed, about many things. The problem with high expectations is that you potentially set yourself up for disappointment. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have an expectant heart, and I don't regret holding onto that, but maybe I expected too much. Three months really isn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. Was it realistic to expect to be dramatically changed in three months when it's taken almost 25 years to shape who I am now? I am not an idealist by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't think I was being naive, so maybe this was God's way of reminding me that He's not into the quick fix. He likes to build us like oak trees that take years to grow and have solid roots, rather than mushrooms which grow overnight, but have no foundation at all.

I have heard it said that people hear the voice of God more clearly here. I'm not sure why. My guess is that it's something to do with being away from all the distractions of home and all the crap we busy ourselves with. Certainly, being away from all that was great. In terms of hearing His voice more clearly, that was not the case for me. I struggled intensely with the silence. Silence is always hard, but in this environment, when you can't fill it with all the busyness of home life, the silence is deafening. I know He was there with me all the way, and reading back through my journal, I can see moments here and there where He was reminding me of His presence. I needed to constantly remind myself of the words of Jesus. To paraphrase; blessed are those who have seen and believed, so how much more will the blessing be for those who have not seen, yet still believed! This was the greatest testing of my faith to date. To believe despite the silence.

My reflections so far have been very much a case of more questions. Maybe that's the epitome of this struggle that is following Jesus.

R

A Closed Door

After a few weeks of waiting and praying for this work permit application to come through, I have finally heard that it has been declined. It's a little complicated, but basically there is a bit of confusion between the Ethiopian government and the British High Commission. All that means is that my documents cannot be authenticated to the level Ethiopia would like. It's kinda pathetic and immensely frustrating, but it's out of my hands.

This has been a real disappointment as I was getting pretty excited about heading down to Makki. A little strange that my trip began and ended with disappointment about not being able to go to Makki! Despite this disappointment, I have accepted that it is in God's hands and I trust Him with this. In applying for the work permit, I was essentially laying a fleece and asking Him to open or close the door, and this feels like a big closed door. This has also been confirmed by the fact that the government would allow an extension of my business visa, but would not make it a multiple-entry visa. I could leave to do my travel, but couldn't come back, so both avenues through which to go to Makki have been closed.

A couple days before I got this news, I felt a real peace about whatever the outcome. Either way I was happy. Now that I know for sure, I am excited about coming home and seeing the people I love and miss so much. It feels a little premature, but as I said, it's out of my hands. Getting back into life at home won't be easy. I have been challenged and stretched significantly in these 3 short months, and finding my place in our comfortable society will be easier said than done. If I am able to slot back into life the way I lived it when I left, something will be seriously wrong! I don't know exactly what that means, but I know a lot will need to change.

Leaving Langano was hard. The relationships I built there were great, and I had a real bond with both the missionaries and the locals. They seemed genuinely gutted I was leaving, and they had me in tears with the things they said at my gibsha (farewell). I think there is something really unique about the relationships you build with people who you are in ministry with. When you share so much and are so dependent on one another, there is a bond that I believe happens on a spiritual level. It has been amazing to experience that.

I am now in Cairo, Egypt. I arrived yesterday to meet my family here. It's great to see familiar faces again and to have a break from the mission field. I think it's all going to catch up with me soon. I have a lot of processing a reflection to do, which will take some time and some perspective. For the first time in my life, I honestly feel like I can't find the words to articulate this experience, or my thoughts and feelings. I don't know how to tell this story. I'm really praying that God will give me some perspective.

I have 10 days here in Egypt doing the tourist thing, then a week in Thailand visiting friends working in the refugee camps on the Myanmar border. They will put me to work there, and I am looking forward to experiencing a very different type of mission field. After that I COME HOME!

Thanks again to everyone who has supported me in so many ways. Many times I really felt I have been carried on the prayers of my brothers and sisters at home.

Peace and love.

Rowan

I can't leave

I've spent the last few weeks here in Ethiopia struggling through the prospect of staying on for a further 3 months. Since day one here I have had people trying to recruit me to stay or go here, there, and everywhere! It's been an incredibly difficult decision, but after a lot of thought, discussion and prayer, I decided to pass the buck and let God make the decision for me. In other words, I've gone ahead and started the application process, trusting Him to open or close that door. This approach has always worked very well for me in the past, and it allows Him to make it very clear where He wants to lead me. He has proven He has a sense of humour, though, as before I even got the application in, He was eliminating all the potential excuses I have and could use. Two out of three of the biggest barriers to me staying on He took care of without my even asking!

In other words, it looks like I'll be staying on here for a further 3 months (until the end of August). Part of me is super excited about it. It will be an amazing experience, and will be good for my nursing skills and knowledge. It will also give me a chance to see whether or not I have the ability to run a clinic and maybe develop some management/administrative skills. Part of me is also gutted to not be coming home to see all the people I love. I have had to consider that a lot, but I can't let that dictate whether I follow the Spirit's leading. I have also had to look at this through the lens of the reasons I came here in thefirst place. Through that lens, the decision seemed a lot clearer and I have felt a real peace about it.

I am beginning to see how He has been guiding since I've arrived here. The place I will go to fill in for 3 months is the place I was supposed to go for the initial 3 months. He sees so much more than we do and He is the grand composer of our lives. When we choose to put them in His hands, they are stretched and grown and broken, but He does a far greater job with them than we ever could.

If you would like to check out a few of my photos from Ethiopia, check out this link:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=22895&l=e138d&id=542653176

Thank you all again for your thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement.

Peace and love

Rowan

Week 5 in Langano

I have been in Langano for 4 weeks now, and my time there could be described in any number of words. Challenging, amazing, frustrating, beautiful, pick an adjective and it would fit. The clinic is a great place to work, but each week seems to get busier. This week just gone our shortest day was 11 hours and we’re seeing at least 120 patients per day. I hate to think how long my longest day was!

My knowledge and skill base is growing faster than I thought possible. A lot of it is the stuff unique to this environment, like all the tropical diseases, but a lot of it is stuff that I just haven’t encountered in paediatrics or neonates. I have realised since I’ve been here that if I am to work in Africa long-term, I will definitely need to do some tropical medicine studies first.

Although a lot of it is new, my skill and experience is coming in extremely handy in Langano. The nurses’ eyes lit up when I told them I’m a paeds nurse! They have got me seeing all the kids and babies, which is fine by me, and the nurses are more at ease having me seeing them.

My experience in neonates turned out to be a lifesaver this week. Literally. A woman in labour arrived at the clinic just as we were closing up about 7pm on Wednesday night. She had been carried on her bed by her family from six hours walk away, and had delivered one twin on the way. Nancy delivered the placenta and ruptured the membranes of the second twin, and subsequently and hand and foot came out. That’s the last thing you want to see. She delivered the baby in record time with no problems, but the baby was flat as a pancake. Myself and another nurse started to resus the baby, but with apgar scores of 1 and 3, and no oxygen or suction, it seemed futile. We kept going for about an hour, and he finally started to pick up. He was grunting and working really hard for oxygen, but with no equipment there was very little we could do except pray.

I took him back to the house and we kept him overnight. He was slowly improving, but he had a long way to come. When I checked on him at 6am I could not believe I was looking at a new baby boy who appeared perfectly normal. He had no increased respiratory effort, he was pink and warm and was screaming at me to take him to his mum for a feed. Even in western hospitals with all their equipment and technology it’s rare for a baby like that to bounce back that quickly. I don’t use the word miracle lightly, but I have no doubt I had just witnessed one. We were all convinced of it. Even the family was shocked when I brought them their baby back. They were expecting me to deliver a body for them to bury, but when they heard it crying, you should’ve seen their faces! That look alone makes this entire trip worth it!

Unfortunately not all stories are successes. I have seen more death here in 4 weeks than in the last 2 years put together. Most of them are kids and babies and almost all are preventable. The killers are diarrhoea, malaria, malnutrition, and childbirth. The work being done in Langano saves a lot of lives, but too many still die. There is so much work to be done, and the most vital is education. They need to be taught about prevention, and early detection. Last week a baby died in our clinic who was so badly dehydrated she looked like a skeleton. She was brought to us after a whole week of diarrhoea! This is totally preventable. If she had come even 2 or 3 days earlier we could’ve saved her.

Of course not all are preventable. The day after the twins a woman came to us in labour and delivered triplets! That would be exciting any other time, but they were only about 25 weeks gestation, so they all died. That’s tragic, but it’s life. These people have an amazing ability to deal with death. There is a lot to learn from them.

I’m having a lot of fun too. On Thursdays we go out into the communities and do vaccinations. We always end up with huge crowds of mainly kids, so I try to play with them and kick a ball around. It’s always a very positive day. We also have nutrition day, which is aimed at malnourished kids under 5. It’s hugely successful, and again, a lot of fun to have crowds of kids around.

I am still struggling with the language and the subsequent lack of communication. It makes it difficult to assess and communicate in the clinic, but it’s also difficult to build relationships with the locals. I’m trying, but it’s easy to get discouraged. I am also struggling with being so freakin busy that I have no time to do what I came to do: share the gospel. I am becoming more and more convinced that in order to effectively do that requires a lot more time and long-term commitment than I am able to give at this point.

God is doing a lot of work on me though. It’s not at all what I expected, and it’s not easy, but I asked Him to, so I kinda had it coming! Dangerous prayer.

I have been asked to stay on for a further 3-6 months when I’m done in Langano. They want me to oversee the clinic down in Makki, which is where I was initially supposed to go. It’s a great opportunity and a huge compliment, but there are a few things I need to really take into account before I make any decisions. Someone has told me they would sponsor me, so that’s a big one out of the way already, and makes it hard to turn down. I’m really seeking God’s guidance on this one as He would need to make it happen.

I head back to Langano tomorrow or Friday, so this last week in Addis has been great. I am expectant of what’s to come. I have seen what God does when we are expectant!

Peace and blessings!

Rowan

Day 6

I arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia on Monday morning, local time. It's now Friday morning and I have had a crazy week.

Addis is a fascinating place. The best way to describe it is organised chaos. The city is pretty hot and dusty, but the people are amazing. They are friendly and helpful, and love to practice their english at every opportunity. Amharic is a very difficult language to learn, but the locals are stoked every time we attempt to speak it!

There is just so much to learn here. Right from the moment I arrived in the country, I have felt Jesus allowing situations that stretch and challenge me. There was no one to pick me up at the airport, which may or may not have been my fault! No problem, though, people were very helpful and I was soon on the way to SIM's HQ.

After a quick tour of the compound, Leila (my coordinator) sat me down and told me that I will no longer be going to Makki as the situation as changed. This came as quite a shock as I had been planning and preparing for Makki for a long time. I really had my heart set on it. She told me I would now be going to Langano, which is about 4 hours south of Addis. Apparently it's a stunning place and there is a huge need there. They see between 80-150 people per day! It will be quite different to what I was expecting in Makki, but will have it's own unique set of benefits and challenges.

Although I know there is huge need there, I realised very quickly that it was more about God wanting to make it very clear to me right from the start that I need to be flexible. Nothing here is set in stone, and to be effective to Him, I need to be able to let go of plans and be willing to follow where He leads.

At first I was really gutted about the change, but I'm staying positive and now I'm really looking forward to Langano. We leave on Sunday, all going well. I will go with Nancy, an American nurse, and will join one other down there, so there will be three of us.

I have been getting frustrated sitting here with very little to do, and really wanting to do what I came here for. It's probably my own fault, though. I made the mistake of praying for patience, so I guess now I'm in a situation that requires patience. I should know by now not to pray such things!

I will more than likely be unable to email from Langano, so this may be my last update for awhile. I'm sure I will have stories to tell in a few weeks time when I come back up for a break.

Please pray for unity with the team down there. They are all Americans, so I'm sure I will be challenged! Also for eyes to see what's going on around me, to see opportunites, and the faith to follow His leading.

Peace

Rowan

One day to go!

In 24 hours time I will be sitting on a plane at Auckland Airport trying not to soil myself as I wait to take off on the biggest advenure of my life! It will be a further 24 hours after then that I will arrive in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia's capital. Strangely enough, as I sit writing this post, I am remarkably relaxed and peaceful. The calm before the storm. I anticipate I will be in a very different state of mind as I wake tomorrow.

I have heard a very obvious silence from above over the last few weeks. Maybe I have been so busy trying to get everthing prepared and making sure I haven't forgotten anything that I haven't been listening enough. Or maybe this is just one of those times, as is often the case, that Jesus just keeps His silence. I trust Him totally and completely, but it doesn't make the silences any easier. Nevertheless, I have been at peace in a way that can only come from the Spirit who knows better than I do and has me firmly in the palm of His very capable hand.

My expectations are high going into this adventure. I thing they are realistic though. I am not an idealist, I have a tendency to be a pesimist at times, but for the most part, I think I am just a realist. I expect to be hugely challenged, immensely frustrated, radically changed, and hopefully brought to life in a new way. I am not expecting my struggles or short-fallings to disappear, but hope to be able to approach them from a new perspective. I believe Jesus rewards an expectant heart, and I don't have much more to offer than that and a willingness to serve.

I am hugely excited about this adventure, but I also grieve at the thought of not seeing the people I love for four months. I will miss so many people that have become such a huge part of my life and who I am. Things will not be the same without them. I will be blessed if I can find family over there that can mean even half as much as my brothers and sisters at home. Four months isn't long, but due to the nature of what I'm doing, I know I will need people around me that I can effectively process things with and bounce my thoughts off.

To all who are thinking and praying for me during this time, I thank you again. This would not be happening without you.

Peace and love

Rowan

4 weeks to go!

On February 3 2008 I fly out of Auckland with my sights set on the continent known as the 'White Man's Grave', i.e. Africa. I am writing this blog for the purpose of allowing people to get a taste, if somewhat mild, of the adventures and challenges I have ahead of me, to share my thoughts, feelings, insights, and reflections with anyone who cares, and to remind people that I am still alive.

I am heading to a small mission station in the southern Omo Valley, South Ethiopia. It is very remote, very isolated, and very different from everything I know. Very Africa. As a nurse, my main responsibilities will be health-related, but I imagine I will be utilised in every way possible. I like to think I am a man of many talents, without blowing my own trumpet too loudly, so will likely find myself doing a lot more than vaccinations and health check-ups.

Truth be told, I have no idea what I will be doing, or what the hell I am getting myself in for! I am going from almost complete comfort and knowledge of my environment to a world that is so different in so many ways. A world that is not viewed through the same lenses, where life is not seen the way I see it, where God is not seen the way I see Him, or worshiped the way I worship Him. A world we would like to think we have some understanding of.

In saying that though, I am also going to a place where there are other people who God also made in His image, who love as I do, even if they don't live as I do. People who have an incredible amount to teach me and who are blessed to live in one of the most harshly contrasting continents in the world.

They are a huge part of the reason I go. To meet these strange and wonderful people, to live with them, to offer them what I have to give, and to be changed by what they have to give back.
I also go because I am selfish and want the adventure of a lifetime. I want to see a different world on the same planet. I want to be challenged and changed and broken and remade. I want to have my eyes opened.

I also go because this person called Jesus has put in me the heart of an adventurer. He has given me a passionate and compassionate heart. He has told me there are greater things to strive after than riches or fame or possessions. As a follower of this Jesus, I go to invest in people, as He chose to invest in people.

I will endeavour to keep my thoughts and words flowing as I can. It will be difficult with limited communication at the station, but I will update whenever possible.

Thank you all for your encouragement, your thoughts, and your prayers.

Blessings

Rowan